Why and other trandom thoughts.....

This post will be full of random thoughts and rhetorical questions. I have been able to formulate the answers to many of the questions but would like to hear others' thoughts. So, please comment.

• Why is it when people state their opinion on a matter we assume there is something more? some deep dark secret why they feel that way? If we stop trying to evaluate them and really listen to what they are telling us, we will hear their reasoning.
• Why is it when we have a conflict with someone it is easier to involve a third party to discuss said conflict instead of talking directly to the first party? And you end up not discussing anything with the party involved but make false assumptions and end up getting more hurt than if you would have been open and up-front in the beginning; or causing more hurt to the first party...
• When others don't think, behave, or conform to what we consider "normal" or "acceptable" behavior, why do we feel obligated to find out what is "wrong" with them instead of what is right? Why do we desire to label them "handicapped", "ADHD", "Autistic", etc? (I am not saying that these conditions don't apply in some situations, but leave it to the professionals) I am familiar with high-intelligence individuals; People who can recall a great deal of information and solve problems far beyond my grasp. We used to call them "geniuses", but now we need some medical label for them because they are too smart. They don't conform and blend in. We often don't grasp their idiosyncrasies, well here is news for us "normal" thinkers: They don't get us either. Fortunately, these wonderful brains aren't seeking for labels for us. There are many times I have to talk things over with my husband and inform him, "that is not how 'normal' people see it." Not once has he called a "normal" stupid, idiot, or dumb, Yet we "normals" want labels for others who think on a higher level. GRRRR!!! Before calling one handicapped, pick up a mirror! Or maybe, here's a better idea, stop thinking the world is centered on you and realize just because the person isn't solving their issues the way you would there isn't something "wrong" with them.
  
• When we have the true gospel of Jesus Christ on the earth, how can we justify removing others' agency as acceptable? (Especially when that person is a capable, intelligent, functioning adult) Even denying a child their right to choice is not acceptable in the gospel plan. Everyone is different. We will make our mistakes; we will learn; we will grow. Forcing conformity upon other people is going to end in heartbreak, and possibly push people away from the gospel. Can you blame them? When your religion preaches agency and you deny agency, who would want to be a part of that? Now, Akahige and I both have strong testimonies of the truthfulness of the gospel. We just strongly disagree with certain traditions which choke budding testimonies.
• Why do we seek for offense when none was meant?
  

Now enough of questions. On to random thoughts....

Our yard is slowly progressing. We have some flowers growing, and we found some Japanese maple tree saplings at my brothers house. *fingers crossed* We really hope they take. The ferns are looking a little sad, but hopefully they will come back strong. We also ordered some clover seeds to help us with weed control in our meadow. We would rather have that growing instead of dyers woad and thistles. Our trees are all cotton. We were hoping for one variety to be cotton-less but both are combusting in full fluff right now. So, we are back to the drawing board on what trees we want where and to replace what. The maples are definitely a huge step towards what we want my office entrance to look like.

3 months until my youngest bro puts in his papers.

Older sister had #7 named him Stephan, pronounced SteVen and not like the Bible name SteFan. Since Older Sister has been insisting on Bible names, this is an incongruity that Akahige has found amusing. His bro just welcomed in #3, Owen, in May as well. Family keeps growing with adorable babies.

I have a second sibling now living in our basement. No additional EVIL pet this time.

Said evil pet is still chewing on walls if not tethered.

Early Spring View

I can't began to describe how much Akahige and I have enjoyed our new home. We took some days off last week with the intentions of recovering from the whirlwind winter we had but found ourselves in the yard. Our wonderful survey team, who surveyed and marked the plot back in 2007 allowed us to come over and get notes on where our property lays. There are some minor encroachments to take care of but they also helped us there as well. All free of charge!!!!! Awesomeness! So if you need surveying help call Gardner Engineering and talk to James Couts.
But moving on. We went out to find out corner markers and fell in love with this gorgeous piece of land that our Heavenly Father blessed us with. For those who don't know we bough the last 2 plots surrounding the upper northern division on South Ogden's Nature Trail. This means our whole back yard is nature. LOVE!!!!! We have a few ideas on how to humanize it slightly while still making it home to the wonderful wildlife that we get. (If I was a better shot then I would have pictures of the fox and birds. The deer only come out at night)
My kind family let us use the tiller last week and we started shaping our front yard. I did manage to get some of the flowers planted. And our old apartment neighbors/friends asked if they could do a veggie garden in the back yard. I don't have pictures of all of this yet but Akahige's mother took some and I will get those uploaded when I get a chance.

So I continue with the break from the building process to show you what a wonderful view we get around our whole house.

Narcissism and Priorities

There have been a lot of reflections on my inward person as of late. Akahige and I have both come to conclude that I have some OCD tendencies when it comes to my family (and sometimes friends). I become very obsessive when they are doing things contrary to what I think is best. I also become very agitated and have a hard time focusing on my life. This is possibly why living far from them helped me be me a few years ago and why I have never felt the urge, like so many women have, to be next door to their mothers/sisters/fathers/etc. My family has become use to me handling all of their organization/woes/life manager as well. Over the years more and more I have become the parent/big sister/confidant. Last year after a brother's wedding I turned in those titles. It has been hard through this house building adventure to remember that I can't save the world. I already have a full plate and my health started to become affected. I had forgotten how to laugh, be silly, and how to find beauty. Now this resolve is still a battle. Especially now that a sister is residing in my basement, and other family members are making large choices that will affect me sooner verses later. I am having to once more distance myself. I am also learning how to tell my family why I have to distance myself. It is not because I do not love and care it is simply because I care too much. These are good things to come to terms with and try to overcome before we bring children into our home. (NOT AN ANNOUNCEMENT!)

I have realized for a while now that my relationship with these people isn't healthy and couldn't figure out why until last year. I knew that my nanny years where some of the happiest in my life and now I know the whole reasons why. I was introduced a while ago to the idea of Narcissism. I read a little on it before my "Ah Ha" moment and was wondering if that is why my family relations where ill. This blog post finally helped me rule narcissism out.
http://scribbit.blogspot.com/2010/04/so-how-narcissistic-are-you-anyway.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Scribbit+%28Scribbit%29

After this post I began to realize why the East Coast nanny families always felt a little off to me. (more so then the dysfunctional family I grew up in) My own nanny family is wonderful, despite human faults. But some of the families my friends worked for, narcissistic personality traits were strongly taught. This follow up post helped me realize how these things are taught so well that we don't even realize it is happening.
http://scribbit.blogspot.com/2010/04/are-you-raising-narcissist.html

In this post she points out one of the very things I keep telling those family and friends, in my unhealthy relations. Your spouse is your #1 love. Your main focus in your family. It is amazing how we as a society look down upon the notion of placing the person, you chose to spend this life with and hopefully your eternities, as your top priority in your relationships. This in no ways means that the selfish/narcissistic habits that one spouse imposes through abuse is any way acceptable. Abuse is a crime and a sin to the highest degree it doesn't matter if it is vocal, emotional, physical, or sexual. You should in no way neglect your children. She further address this issue after I am sure she received a lot of hate mail. (I always get told I have no idea what I am talking about when I bring up this issue and it ruffles a lot of feathers.)
http://scribbit.blogspot.com/2010/05/loving-your-spouse-more-than-your-kids.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Scribbit+%28Scribbit%29

Coming from a divorced family, I can tell you kids know. We know when the love for ones spouse is gone. We can always dream about parents falling in love again. Hope for those happier days before priorities became confused and motives became selfish. We would like to believe it is easier to face reality and move on. But the love for your spouse the sacredness of your union, once gone, is hard to reintroduce into your home. Now I was told years ago that my marriage would fail because of the failed relationship between my parents. I, thankfully was old enough to process most of what I saw before the ending of their marriage. I made the commitment to my Akahige that he would always be my main love. My main priority. My #1. From the day we knelt across the alter in the Lord's house until the end of time. This takes me back to my first paragraph. I love my family (both those blood and those I have befriended to the point of sister) but for the purpose of my relationship with my husband, I once more state:
I care about you, your lives, your happiness, your sorrows, I find great enjoyment in having family gatherings at my house which is why we built it the way we did, I however will no more be your savior. We already have one. He gave his all for us because he had the capability to love the an extent I can not. To give what I can not.
So if you could please help me so I can let go. When you approach you life changes unless you really care to hear my opinion, as if it would affect your overall choice, only call me with the final news. If you are moving with no job to support you then that is your choice, you are the adult. If you are buying items above your ability to pay for them, then call me when you have them paid for, you are after all an adult. If you lose your house because of choices you made, you are an adult. You are always in my prayers but unless guided to intervene by true revelation (doesn't go against gospel principles and prophets guidance) that is where you will stay, in my prayers. I know we are asked to mourn for those who mourn and comfort those in need of comfort, I am now in the Lord's guidance to know when I am really needed in those areas. These are the things I need to do until I can learn how to have healthier relationships with you.

So if you have any hateful/angry/emotional words on this topics that I address, I ask you to please not address the writer at Scribbit. She has her own box full of these already. You are free to leave comments here. I do have moderation on and will allow the comments that are meaningful and thought provoking through. Hurtful slander however will be deleted.

I promise to continue soon with our surprise series. I am finally feeling a little more settled and getting into a new routine.

Our Surprise Part 3

Our surprise part 2

The property we acquired was subdivided be the previous owners. They also brought utilities in for only one out of the two lots. We were under the impression that they were brought to the front lot, but after getting our permit found out that they were meant for the second lot. This meant having to dig across half an acre, down hill, to reach the sewer. If we ever have a backed up sewer we will be shocked since gravity will be on our side.

Our Surprise part 1

Orange Chicken

This is a recipe that I just tried and for once, pretty much followed.
I got the original from the cook book "Remedies for the "I don't cook" syndrome" compiled by Janet Peterson
Original recipe by Paula Heath BUT I am typing it up as I made it.

• 7 large bonelss, skinless chicken breasts
• 3 Tablespoons for olive oil
• 1 Tablespoons Sesame Oil
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon pepper
• 2 teaspoons furikake (a Japanese season all with nori, toasty sesame, and bonito)

Cube the chicken and brown in oil adding the above spices.

While chicken cooks mix the following ingredients for the sauce.

• 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 6 Tablespoons brown surgar
• 2 Tablespoons cornstarch
• 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
• 2 cups orange juice
• 2 teaspoon lemon juice

(original recipe calls for 1 c orange marmalade, 2 11 oz cans of madarin orange, or orange slices. I didn't have these items in pantry so I made mine without.)

Add to chicken and simmer for 25 minutes, or until sauce starts to thicken. If you have orange slices add and cook for 10 more minutes.

Serve over rice.

Serves 5-8



I made this for a gathering on Saturday. Everyone loved it. If it is too spicy then reduce pepper.
Enjoy