And I thought I had it hard

I don't handle stress well. Depression runs in both sides of my family and it takes a lot of work to find a happy place. When I feel like my security blanket is unstable I become additionally stressed. Now don't get me wrong. We are great, things are great, almost too great. I am grateful to have a job and to be appreciated. Akahige is awesome as always. But this whole being a grown up thing sucks! I wish I could have a summer vacation, where I didn't have to think about the future. Growing up all you can do is think about how great things will be when you are grown and on your own. There are so many choices and things can become overwhelming. Every time I find myself there I have to remind myself that things aren't so bad.
My dearest friend passed away last week. Who was this person. She was the one female, who I felt understood my heartbreak when we buried Gideon, for she had lost so many children herself I forgot the total. She always cheered us on and felt bad for our unsuccessful attempts to have more, even while she was fighting for her life and knew that eventually she would have to hug her 3 beautiful daughters goodbye for a time. She taught me what a true visiting teacher was. She was my companion for over a year. She taught me how to truly care. She cared so much for the less actives we visited and she continued to make sure I was doing alright. She wouldn't just bring treats and leave them on the door she would really put forth an effort to connect and befriend these wonderful sisters. She is beautiful, compassionate, and an angel that had to go home to our Father in Heaven a little early. Her words touched the lives of many local and afar through the Friend and New Era magazines. And thankfully she had the insight and strength to compose letters to the daughters whom she gets to watch grow from behind the veil. Cancer is one of those things that happens, I never thought it to be beautiful until I watched Anne conquer it. Some may say that it is the other way around but when you can look at your trials and still put a smile on your face then you are the conqueror. This is the Anne Creager I knew. I hope I can honor her this week and weeks to come by finding things to be grateful and joyful for.

I am grateful that I got to hold my little niece and rock her to sleep. Many people feel uncomfortable letting me hold their children because we don't have Gideon. So I don't get to rock babies to sleep very often. My sister will never know really how grateful I am that she lets me hold her babies. And that I would hold them for hours and hours if I could.

We got accepted into our Japanese class. For an Audit. My clients really are the best in the world. One of them pulled some inner strings and Akehige and I get to sit in for this semester on Japanese. We start tomorrow.

Here's to life, cause I don't have it that hard.